Love to Help You Out
(c) 1997 Tupelo Kenyon
(P) 2000 Arctic Wingsong Publishing BMI

Well late last night, I heard the doorbell ring, it was a long-lost friend of mine
Ya know, I hadn't seen him in a month 'a Sundays . . . it's been a long, long time
He asked if I was makin' all the money that I wanted, then he settled into his pitch
An' he shared with me about the Amway plan, oh yeah, but there was one little hitch
He asked if he could borrow a hundred dollars, since he was my friend
I said, I'd love to help you out . . . which way'd you come in
I'd really love to help you out . . . which way'd you come in

Then the tax man left a note on my door, said he just wanted to talk to me
So I invited him on over to shoot the breeze, nothin' up my sleeve
An' nothin' in my pockets either, but he continued to twist and turn it
I couldn't believe how hard he could squeeze, hadn't he heard of blood from a turnip
He told me I owed 'em thousands of dollars, at least, and maybe more
I said I'd love to help you out, I'll help you find the door
I'd really love to help you out, I'll show you to the door

Well I turned on the television late last night, and that was my first mistake
And there was the president's double talk, and I did a double take
When he said balanced budget and billions in debt, was it war or defensive assault
Then he said he really didn't know about it, so how could it be his fault
But he asked for my support at the polls, if he decides to run again
I thought I'd love to help you out, how in the world you get in
I'd really love to help you out, how in the world did you win

Here's your hat, what's your hurry - c'mon back when you can't stay so long
It's OK with me if you're a stranger around here . . . . . . . don't let the door bump you in the rear

Well I know there's good stuff happenin' too, prob'ly every minute
But it's not on the news or in the paper very often, ..t..t..t.. there's just no profit in it
Is the human race terminally stupid, (ha) does anybody care
Does anybody else feel like screamin' out, "Just get me outa here"
Is there any intelligent life down here, beam me up Scotty
And I hope he says, I'd love to help, I'll beam up the whole lot 'a ya

Then I found myself knockin' at the pearly gates, but nobody'd answer the door
So I looked around and then I climbed the wall, just to look around a little more
Then a fellow with a beard says "Hey, what's your story", I think he said his name was Pete
I said, I shoulda done better, I coulda done better if I'da known this place was so neat
An' Pete said, Shoulda-coulda-woulda won't get it up here, but just lookin' ain't no sin
So I said Hey Pete, could you help me out . . . . . he said sure, which way'd you come in
I'd really love to help you out, which way's you come in

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